The Fourth Trimester – My Advice to You

So you thought there were only three trimesters… Sorry to disappoint, but there are actually four trimesters! Months 1-3 of a babies life are often referred to as the fourth trimester and for good reason! When babies are born they are leaving behind the warmth, comfort and security of their mothers womb to a big scary world that is cold, loud and they experience all these new feelings like hunger and fatigue for the first time. They are leaving a place where they get rocked to sleep every day as you move around, their food is on tap and there is no uncertainty or any known dangers. During the fourth trimester you move from carrying baby in the womb to constantly carrying baby around their new world.

If you don’t read any further I’m going to give you the most important advice at the very beginning of this post:

• My Advice 1: Your most important job for the first three months of their life is to make sure they feel safe, are fed and know you are there for them. Now is not the time to sleep train them and try and put them on a strict schedule. Now is the time to comfort them, give them lots of hugs and kisses and work around their needs and wants.

I read that newborn babies think they are part of their mother. As if they are a third arm, so when we leave them alone and put them down. They don’t understand what is happening and get really upset or they fear you have abandoned them. Essentially during these first few months you need to be at their beckoning call. They need to know when you leave, you will be back. That is why peek-a-boo is such a good game to play with babies. 

The first month is very emotional in so many ways. It’s not just the nervousness you feel when you leave the hospital and you think “wait you’re letting me take this baby home? I don’t know what I’m doing!?!” It is also the feeling of excitement that she’s finally here and you have this new addition to the family. For us, the first month felt like we were in our own little love bubble. It’s just amazing how much you are in awe of this other little human being. My husband and I would bring her into our bed and just stare at her while she slept. The overwhelming love for her and for each other for what we have just been through and what we have made together is so special. I wish I could box up this feeling so I can pick it back up when I need it, probably when she is a teenager and she’s telling me she hates me! 

Month 1 for Mama: Recover and Learn

First of all mama you got to recover! You’ve been through an ordeal, no birth is easy. Especially the first few days everything was sore for me, I felt like I was icing my whole body! Well just my lady parts haha. One part post birth and the other part was dealing with the swelling and struggles of breastfeeding for the first time. I won’t go into breastfeeding in this post as this will be a whole other blog post. Make sure you have a partner or a family member come to help you over this time and accept their help. I was very fortunate my husband was in between jobs and had a good amount of time off work to help look after me and Olivia. He was my rock over those weeks, definitely the first 2-4 weeks I needed it! 

• Advice 2: If you need external help don’t feel guilty about seeking it out, We are new mums, professional advice or external help can go a long way! There are some great helplines you can call such as Tresillian and Karitane (I called them many times!). Or book an appointment with a child health nurse, a counsellor, a lactation consultant or GP whatever you need. Or invest in other services that will help like a cleaner for the house, food or grocery delivery services or just treat yourself to a something relaxing. I was at the hairdressers on day 7 post birth!

This next piece of advice kind of goes against Advice 2, but also with it.. One thing you will find is you constantly receive contradicting advice! Just three examples of contradicting advice I kept getting told:

1. Let baby sleep on your boob VS don’t let baby sleep on the boob
2. Start baby on the bottle from day 1 VS don’t start baby on the bottle from day 1 or they will have nipple confusion- start after 6 weeks
3. Co sleeping is not safe VS Co sleeping is best for bonding and encouraging sleep. 

• Advice 3: Trust your instincts, you are their mother and even though it is great to seek external advice, they don’t spend 24 hours with your child. Listen to their advice, give it a go. But if it just doesn’t feel right then trust your gut and do what you think is best for the both of you 

• Advice 4: The first month is exhausting, so when you get a chance to rest – you need to be in a different room than the baby. Sleep in the spare bedroom, sleep on the couch, ask your partner or a friend to take baby out for a walk. When I was napping in the same room as the baby my sensitive mama ears were always up and would wake up to every small sound she made. Which meant it was hard to get proper rest until I slept away from her.

Month 1 for Baby: Eat, Sleep and Repeat

The first month Olivia was a very sleepy baby, we were very fortunate. During the day we often use the bassinet that came with the pram, put it in the lounge and have her sleep in there during the day. She would sleep through everything, we would have visitors over, watch tv, I think I even vacuumed once and she slept through it all. She would also love sleeping on us (which we also loved) especially my husband. Any chance he would get he would put her on his chest for her to sleep on him. Olivia is almost 6 months now and there is no chance she would sleep on us now and that is something we really miss. 

• Advice 5: Don’t feel guilty about letting them sleep on you. I think it is great for bonding, they feel safe and it also makes you sit down and rest! We often called Olivia our little Koala bear as she was always clinging to us. 

Here are some great activities and products we used in the first month:

1. Burping towels: You will needs lots of small towels/burp bibs. You can even just use these cloth nappies from Kmart as burp bibs. We constantly had a small towel over our shoulders when we were carrying Olivia. Over the first couple of months babies bodies are still developing and learning to keep down milk so prepare for lots of spit ups! Hot Tip: Place a towel under the babies head in the bassinet so you don’t need to keep changing the bedding every time (as shown in photo)
2. Black and White books are the best for newborns, Olivia would be entranced when we would put the high contrasting images in front of her. As their vision is very blurry high contrast black and white images is a lot easier for them to see.
3. Tummy time! Start tummy time nice and early, this can even just start on your chest or on your lap.
4. Skin to skin contact – very important at this age. Skin to skin contact, especially for dads to bond with the baby, helps to calm baby, enhances immune system and promotes psychological well-being.
5. Baby Friendly Moisturiser: Olivia had baby acne over the first couple of months and very dry skin. We found Moo Goo moisturiser the best. So great to pick up and have on hand.

Olivia really started to wake up more during months 2 and 3. It was great to see her cute chubby cheeks started filling, her eyes were wider and her neck getting stronger this is the time she also found her voice. During these months, for us, is when she started to cry A LOT. But first, let’s talk about Mama:

Months 2 + 3 for Mama: The Carrying

During Month 2 I was feeling great, I felt back to normal and had lost 11 of the 15 kg I put on when I was pregnant (thank you breastfeeding!). They recommend you don’t start exercising until after your 6 week check from the Doctor. However I felt this was too soon and waited a little longer until I had an all clear from a physiotherapist.

• My Advice 6: Go see a Physio that specialises in post pregnancy. I specifically wanted to see one as I had abdominal separation (which is very common), I was having back issues and also I wanted to get back into running. My physio gave me exercises and told me to just do light exercises such as yoga and pilates and avoid crunches and running for the first 4 months. I highly recommend getting yourself checked and get tailored recovery exercises, your body has been through an ordeal!

• My Advice 7: Make sure you have a baby carrier! I wore the carrier soo much! Gone were the days where Olivia would sleep in her bassinet during the day, Olivia always wanted to be on me. The carrier was great so I could have her on me but still have my hands free to do things. When she slept in the carrier I had to constantly move around the house to keep her asleep. I remember I didn’t leave the house one day but still managed to do 12,000 steps!

Just make sure you don’t overdo it with the carrier like I did, I ended up having bad back problems then slowly had to wean myself away from using it ALL THE TIME. 

Months 2 + 3 for Bubs: The Crying and The Smiling

The crying, oh the crying. Crying is the only way babies know how to communicate to us so unfortunately we heard a lot of it during the fourth trimester. Most of the time she was crying she just needed some comfort from us. So we would do anything we could to comfort her and calm her down. 

• My Advice 8: When in doubt, put them on the boob, even if they are not hungry. Sucking on the breast is very comforting for them so just pop them on there to calm them down. It was always my trump card I had when nothing else was working!

The witching hours were the worst for us, Olivia would get very upset between the hours of 4-8pm. Her feeding also increased to almost every hour at this time to build her milk stores for the evening.

During the fourth trimester, I think you’ve just got to do whatever is going to get you through.  Some could worry this could lead into a very dependent baby as you are constantly putting them on the boob and reacting to every cry. However at this age I have read by tending to a crying baby promptly this will raise them to be more independent. First they will feel safe in the world and know you are there for them. Once their first needs are met and they feel safe then they can go explore the big world out there.

Although months 2 and 3 brought a lot of crying, but it was balanced out by also bringing her first smiles and sometimes even giggles! Olivia was a pretty staunch baby during these months, always so serious! We had to work quite hard to get her to smile, but oh when she did your heart would melt and a whole lotta of crying will soon be forgotten with just a 2 second gaze into your eyes and a big grin. 

Here are some great activities and products we used in months two and three:

1. Activity Gym: Months 2 and 3 are exciting to watch as Olivia was engaging more with us and to her environment. A great toy for them at this stage is an activity gym. This activity gym from Kmart was great. Very cheap and sturdy plus you can change out the toys so baby doesn’t get bored of the same toys. You will need these rings too, that way you can hang toys from the frame, the pram and they are also are a great teething toy in them selves. I still give Olivia a link of rings (at 6 months) and she loves playing with them.
2. A water play mat is also great to make tummy time more fun. The first time Olivia was put on this she hated it! She thought she was going to fall in haha. However she learned to love it and still loves this at 6 months of age. 
3. Singing, dancing and exaggerated facial expressions – these are the things that would often make Olivia smile. Her favourite song is Row Row Row your boat and for some reason it always (well usually) will stop her from crying when we sing it to her. Great trick when we are in the car!

There were hard times and there were special times during the fourth trimester for us. Each new development was exciting to watch, but it was also a steep learning curve to learn how to care for this tiny human. I think a good two word summary of my advice during this period is just to LET GO

LET GO of the pressure to have everything done around the house

LET GO of the guilt of spending the day on the couch

LET GO of the pressure to hold it all together

LET GO of trying to “train” your baby into anything at this stage 

Just Be Present

Everything else can wait

What is your advice for the fourth trimester? Leave a comment!

Have you read my birth story yet? Read it here